How Unresolved Issues Can Come Back.

Now this post is going to be a personal one so I want to give you guys a heads up that are looking for the technical side/business info.

As a Holistic Lifestyle Coach I like to give people all sides of what is going on with me so that you can better see that business, career is not just about money. It’s about you and how your personal life is completely intertwined with everything.  Some people try to divide their personal life and their business life but I can promise you as the world we know it changes more of your personal life is being integrated into your personal life especially with the social networking sites like Facebook.  People are able to see exactly who you are as a person and does influence your career/business. That is why the older generation is more cautious on what they say on Facebook vs the younger generation is more open, parties, vacations you name it is all going up on these Social sites.

Most of you who have been following me for a while know a few things about me:

1) I am an open book I put myself personally out there, who I am, what I think, you name it. I don’t care if people judge me or what their opinion is. My goal is if someone can benefit from my story, from my advice it is all worth it.  My coaching style is different then most but I see this as relating to my social business friends so that we can share our experiences and learn from each other.  Doesn’t matter if it’s a business/career experience to a personal experience

2) I am completely honest and say don’t hold back. I might get some negative feed back but as I mentioned before if people take it negatively than that is their ego getting offended. Which they should look inside and ask themselves why is it really bothering them.

I don’t know if you guys know but I was married at an early age of 20 and soon after divorced. I got a women pregnant from the USA (I’m from Canada) that I was thinking with the wrong head.  I wasn’t financial prepared, I wasn’t emotionally and mentally prepared. I had Daddy and Mommy issues since I don’t know my Dad and have never met him.  My Mom and me had a rough go of things which is not her fault just the situation and growing up with a boy (me) would didn’t know how to express his anger and frustrations. My Mom and me now have a great relationship but growing up I am sure it was hard on both of us.

Now me getting this women pregnant, being scared as hell because I was thought I was making good money at just over $20,000 per year, living at home and having some spending money. To realize that is nothing when it comes to raising a child.  Scared the crap out of me as well the Daddy issues started to come up that I didn’t want “My Child” to live with out a father like I did.  Well that was the wrong thinking to start asking people for advice on what to do.  The whole time was a blur and I don’t remember half of it, but the people of influence in my life who were more of a religious stand on the situation. Educated me on how I need to get married for all the religious reasons. At the time I was scared, in a panic, didn’t know what to do so I listened.  Looking back it was the wrong thing to do but like they say “hindsight is 20 20”.  Now I’m not saying that my ex-wife is a bad person just we were not on the same page which was a recipe for disaster which is why we got divorced.  Which I’m not placing blame and in my eyes no one is at fault, we just didn’t build a relationship properly, learn about each other prior so we could have a good relationship. Plus like I mentioned I was not at the right mind set emotionally, intellectually or financially to take on this huge responsibility of being married and being a father.

Now we got married in 1997 and divorced in 2001 so you can see it was a very short marriage.  The divorce was pretty easy we both didn’t have much at the time to divide. The most important and hardest challenge was our son.  Now my ex through the separation went home to the USA and as the divorce was going through it’s process. She started custody and child support proceedings in the USA.  Now the State she went to is one of the hardest ones for Fathers in the entire United States to get a fair proceeding. They even had a “Dead Beat Fathers Act”.  Which I know some single fathers out there that are reading this know exactly which state I am talking about.  Trust me I joined some support groups for Fathers at the time to help going through my custody and WOW the horror stories were scary.  I didn’t believe it myself until I started going to court. The way I was treated I felt I like I killed someone, I wasn’t allowed to testify, I had to get a lawyer to hopefully be able to defend me and clarify some challenges. But no luck in the early 2000’s they courts were in favor of the Mother and it showed.

Just on a side note, this was so bad that even my close friends didn’t believe me how bad I was being treated in court, how I wasn’t getting a fair trial that they had to come down to one of my court dates to see it for themselves. To this date they still can’t believe how bad it was and one was in law enforcement in Ontario.

This went on for a little over 2 years and $40,000 in debt in legal fee’s which remember I was making just over $20,000 per year.  I was forced to make a choice which trust me I didn’t want to do but I had to save myself from the legal fee’s and get out of this battle with my shirt on my back. I had to give up visitation just so that I can go and deal with everything that has happened and try to get out of debt.

Now I am sure you are asking ok, so what, what does that have to do with now.  Well my ex-wife is back and asking for an increase in child support, health care benefits for my son and braces. Which has been a stressful situation because I have to collect all my financial documents for the court date on April 7th. Which is quick considering I might have to request documents from the Government which can take some time.   I have no problem providing the court my information I just would like to have some time to collect all the information so I am not so rushed.

Now this is affecting my work because I had to meet with a lawyer, get my accountant involved to get all my financial records and today I have to contact the Courts to request some information that was left out in the summonds.  Which is taking me away from my business, 2 books I am currently in the process of writing and being a contracted Director of Operations for Ultimate Sports Therapy.

I want to clarify something as well, I am not upset that my son needs braces, I am more frustrated at the timing and rush from the courts to get all this paper work in, as well legal fee’s I have to pay for.  Trust me my friends know me if my son needed money I would give it to him no questions asked.

Thanks everyone for letting me rant a bit and getting this off my chest, this has been hard I haven’t seen my son in over 11 years which he is 13 now. Which kills me to know end, but I didn’t want to go back through that terrible experience with the courts, the financial debt and how they treated me.  Even if I wanted to see my son at that time the court made it so hard that I would have had to be making over $100,000 take home to be able to afford that battle. Which I might of got visitations of my son if I was lucky. Which at that time I was making $25,000 a year working as a Security Officer.

-Moral of the story is try not to get yourself in these situations

-use protection while dating and take your time to get to know someone there is no rush

-If you do get into a similar situation don’t go by religious beliefs, I have nothing against religion just it shouldn’t be a reason that because the bible says so you need to get married.  look at our divorce rate in Ontario it’s over 50% per year. Which shows people don’t have the same religious beliefs and realize they made a bad decision based not on what they want. Plus on a personal note if you are Catholic and get a divorce depending on your situation. It can be extremely hard and long process to get an annulment through the Catholic Church if you want to get remarried.  So don’t rush your decision.

-make the decision for your own personally, emotionally, financially and intellectually reasons. Make sure you write it all out Pros/Cons list. Financial plan, each persons Personal and Professional goals trust me on this.  2 main causes for divorce is financial problems and communication problems.  So talk and plan it out.

-no rush decisions.

-Ask people who have gone through it that are not angry about the situation that can give you analytical advise.

-Build up a strong support network of people that supports you and don’t bring their own baggage into the situation.

Trust me I have been their, still going through it and coach people because of my education training both academic and through the best school.  The school of hard knocks  “Life”.

Love & Chi,

Brandon Krieger HLC, ITIL, PPS
Social Technologies Coach & Professional Speaker

For more information contact me at info@knssconsulting.com or visit us at http://www.knssconsulting.com/holistic-lifestyle-coaching.html

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Categories: Brandon's Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “How Unresolved Issues Can Come Back.

  1. Take a deep breath and relax. (I was telling myself) Those people did not know any better and I am glad you don’t blame them. I have a similiar situation. My mother wants my 5 children, because of the way I believe. I am not a practicing Druid so she thinks I am harming them. I chose a different way. I can see how this situation has made you a stronger person. It is because you were in this situation that you are the person you are today. Look at the blessings. You have gained strength of character, you know how to be compassionate with others in similiar circumstances, you have a son, which a blessing, and now you are developing patience, self-control, Respect, responsibility at new levels. Whe you come out of this you will be a better person with more experience.
    A little side note, those religious people did not read their Bibles very well. If you want to know why I will tell you, but not here, it would offend, and probably already did offend some.

    This situation is a great blessing for you, rejoice in knowing that you can be a voice for other dads out there. I know my husband has had a hard time, because he is usually the center my mother’s attacks. Dads get it worse sometimes. Feel the unity with others suffering this way and feel joy that you did what you could. You know where to find me.

    • Thank you so much Mellisa 🙂 I do agree this is a learning experience and has taught me a lot. Like you said I wouldn’t be the person I am today working to help other people if it wasn’t for the challenges I have gone through in my life.

      The religion debate that is whole other can of worms which I agree with you. People take doctrine and either interrupt it to fit their beliefs or mis-interrupt it. I believe in God, I believe in spirituality but when it comes to dogmatic religion I stay away from it because in my opinion it is not serving people like it should. The biggest contradiction I have found is this “God Love is unconditional” but then people put conditions if you do any of the 7 major sins you are going to hell. Which is a condition than that goes directly against God loving unconditionally. Which I find so many religious people have a hard time understanding “unconditional” which means NO Conditions, none at all. You could walk up and slap God in the face, set his sandals on fire while swearing at him and he would love you just the same. Don’t get me wrong I do believe in Karma and in that case what would come back to you for being mean to God is that you would get punched in the face, your shoes and pants would get burned while on you and someone would say something to you that would go right to the core of you. But I believe God created Karma for us to measure our own actions. If we are good to people good comes back if we are bad to people we get that back in return. This is just a way we can measure our own action and our path in life.

      That is why I try to help people and be kind, because trust me when I was younger and didn’t realize this truth I learned the hard way as you can see above 😉

      Love & Chi,

      Brandon Krieger HLC, ITIL, PPS
      Social Technologies Coach & Professional Speaker

      For more information contact me at info@knssconsulting.com or visit us at http://www.knssconsulting.com/holistic-lifestyle-coaching.html

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